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All the books. In my face.

Currently reading

The Blinding Knife
Brent Weeks
Logic: An Introduction to Elementary Logic
Wilfrid Hodges
First Steps In Music Theory
Eric Taylor
The AB Guide to Music Theory: Part I
Eric Taylor
The Last Man
Mary Shelley
Fast Ships, Black Sails
Garth Nix, Eric Flint, Dave Freer, Carrie Vaughn, Howard Waldrop, Michael Moorcock, Jeff VanderMeer, Brendan Connell, Kage Baker, Sarah Monette, Conrad Williams, Elizabeth Bear, Steve Aylett, Rhys Hughes, Jayme Lynn Blaschke, Rachel Swirsky, Kelly Barnhill, Scott Altmann,
British Sign Language
Paul Redfern, Nicholas Callow, Laraine Callow
Being a Quaker
Geoffrey Durham
Shadow Unit 2
Emma Bull, Elizabeth Bear, Amanda Downum, Sarah Monette, Kyle Cassidy

Fifty Shades of Grey: Book One of the Fifty Shades Trilogy

Fifty Shades of Grey - E.L. James The main complaint about 50 shades of Grey is that it is Twilight fanfiction. Perhaps I'm in a minority, but its not the Twilight part that bothers me. I actually enjoyed Twilight, all the books, and the movies. Yes its about a teenager in an angsty dysfunctional relationship, but it also has Vampires that can see the future, read minds and play baseball really loudly. And both the Werewolves and Vampires mechanics are a new innovative ideas. 50 Shades of Grey has no new ideas at all. It's fan-fiction, it's based on the same characters. But taking away all the interest of the Vampires and the Werewolves, all thats left is a shitty dysfunctional relationship. With not a single interesting new idea, absolutely nothing to distract from the awful, awful writing. Thats my main complaint about 50 shades, it's nothing to do with the Twilight connection, its the part where its badly written fan-fiction that annoys me. Who the hell is her editor and how did this awful piece of writing get published? Were there roofies involved?

The second thing that bothers me about 50 Shades, are the inexplicable amount of women wishing their partner were more like Christian Grey. I can only imagine its the rich part they're wishing for. Because Christian Grey is a narcissistic, self-absorbed, abusive, stalker, and a rapist. He ignores the word no. He ignores any boundaries or wishes Ana has. He thinks that throwing money around will get him what he wants. And if she won't agree he plies her with champagne until she's too drunk to complain. Now I understand that some people get off on a bit of non-consensual themed erotica, I do enjoy a bit of that myself on occasion. But theres one thing to be titilated by a fictional rape-scene, and entirely another to wish your real partner were more like said rapist.. What on earth is wrong with these women? Did they even read the same book?

And then of course theres Ana herself. The most ridiculous character that ever lived. Who hasn't ever held anyones hand before, never wanted to be kissed, never felt attraction to anyone before, never orgasmed before, never had sex before, never masturbated before. In fact to all intents was the most asexual person that ever lived until the moment she met Christian Grey, and then she's suddenly able to achieve a magical tits-only orgasm. What an absolute joke.

Apparently they're making a movie version, and its not just a rumour, I think they've already hired some producers and stuff. I'm really not sure how on earth they're going to make a full length movie that wouldn't be classed as a porno, if you take out all the sex scenes, theres not enough plot for a half hour episode. This is erotica for gawds sake, has anyone ever tried to make a legitimate movie out of an erotica novel before? And inquiring minds wonder.. will they film the tampon scene?

However, the most flabbergasting part of this whole thing has to be when I found my mother reading 50 Shades of Grey. Normally she reads mostly Stephen King, and not much else. I'm not much of a fan of King, and we don't have much book taste in common, yet still I was outraged at how this book had infiltrated my family. I haven't asked her, but I really really hope she didn't like it. Like I said, we don't have a lot in common book-wise, but Romance is pretty universal right? I'm thinking of sending her a copy of Diana Gabaldon's Outlander as a 'get-well-soon, come-back-to-sanity' type of gift. No its not the same category I know, but despite my open-mindedness, I'm just not comfortable sharing my favourite erotica books with my mother. Outlander is the best I can offer. And if it doesn't cure her, she's a lost cause probably!

If you disagree with my choice of alternative book, feel free to suggest what else I should offer my mother, by adding your favourite romance or erotica novel to this listopia list. Thankyou!